Sometimes Simplicity Is Best
It’s that time of the year again. Weather is beginning to cool, leaves are about to change and the football season is about to begin for all 32 teams in the National Football League. While it is indeed a unique situation for each team due to the shaken snowglobe chaos that is post-COVID 2020, it is even more unique for the Washington team, who after years of protests from Native American groups has finally retired their offensive team name and began the search for a new identity. While they iron out the details of their new name, with “Red Wolves” being the odds on favorite, they will be known as the Washington Football Team. By this unique quirk of events, they have stumbled upon gold. I propose that the “Football Team” becomes their permanent name. Sometimes simplicity is best after all.
The first reason why I think that this will be an excellent choice for a team name is that it is unique in the Big Four sports of America(NFL, NBA, MLB, and NHL). No other team in any league has a name so on the nose as to who they are. A team like the Orlando Magic isn’t going to cast a spell on opponents to attempt to get an advantage. The San Jose Sharks aren’t going to take a bite out of opposing hockey sticks no matter what their logo implies. And the Seattle Mariners aren’t going to win games via naval tactics(though that does sound quite entertaining). The Washington Football Team has a singular mission and that’s to defeat you in a football game. Like clockwork, like meat and potatoes, like professionals.
The second reason is that it is truly inoffensive. In a time in history where there is (rightfully) no tolerance for things ambiguous or offensive, the Football Team is so gloriously inoffensive yet not milquetoast or weak sounding. Much as teams like the Vikings portray mighty warriors of a bygone time, the Football Team conjures images of those great tough men of the early days of football. The mascot should be a throwback to those days when men roamed the gridiron with little more than a baseball glove secured to their head, and sometimes not even that. The Football Team could be a romanticized version of those vaunted legends of the past.
The third reason is that the nickname of “Football Team” is somehow so lame that it becomes endearing and circles all the way around to becoming amazing. It’s the ultimate in post-modern futuristic naming. In a time when everyone, people, corporations, and products are scrambling to brand themselves. Chasing that elusive dream and thought of “when you hear this you think of it in a positive way for the service or content that it provides”, you absolutely know what the Football Team stands for, playing the sport to the best of their abilities as one cohesive unit. No imaginary “Wolf Pack” or “Dog Pound”, just pure unadulterated football carnage.
The fourth and final reason that I wholeheartedly endorse the name of the Washington Football Team is that it sounds important. By this I mean, that sure, there are Bengals, Rams, Patriots, and Giants, but Washington has THE Football Team. One wouldn’t necessarily want to encounter a Jaguar or Bear out in the wild, nor should anyone want to encounter THE Football Team on the field. Besides there’s something to be said for truth in advertising no one will ever mistake them for a basketball team, that’s for sure!
While I have no illusions that this movement to retain the name of the Football Team will take off, I still truly believe that it is better than whatever nonsense Dan Snyder comes up with, Red Wolves or not. Sometimes you just need a fun name and Football Team stands out as just that compared with some of the other generic and soulless options. Sometimes simplicity is best after all.
⬇️ Leave a comment if you can think of a better(or lamer) name. Be sure to follow me JMN.
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